Baby, baby, baybeeee!!!

Our beautiful daughter Martha Olivia was born (finally) at 7minutes past one on the 24th!

A long, and incredibly arduous, labour belied our romantic ideas of a home birth in a pool. No more gruesome details, but to say, in the words of Jim Reeves; "Welcome To My World" - you gorgeous thing!!

Narcissism

A word I'm likely to use on a number of occasions is "Narcissism". I'll give my working definition which may differ from any reader's.

My take on the word is that it represents self-interest. I won't go into the history, (the Greek myth, Freud, etc.,) I'm sure you'll have your own views. The reason I use it is to explain how I think we operate.

As an addict (ex-addict, if such a thing exists!), I remember being completely self-absorbed. Although I had to capitulate to some degree to get my needs met, most of the time I thought only of my next 'fix'. To relieve myself of that burden of self gratification, I had to learn a little humility. My tiny world had to expand somewhat for me to find a place in it where I could feel as though I was a part of it all. However, I have since discovered that we all need Narcissism to some degree if we are to survive.

How do I know to what degree of Narcissism is healthy? When does standing my ground become forcing my will? How much of what I do is about my needs, and not about my wants?

Most of us have, to some degree, capitulated too much, or have demanded unjustly, which is one of the reasons communication is such a struggle at times. I complain at times that my partner doesn't understand me, and vice-versa! When we sit down and analyse what's going on between us, we tend to agree that we've both made mistakes. But on the odd occasion, we've both been left frustrated at the others' inability to 'understand'. On those occasions, I feel we have regressed to some infantile place in our heads where, as a child, things didn't go our way.

I believe that, on a larger scale, this happens at my place of work. Currently, I work as a postman. Despite a history of senior roles in mental health and years of study, I've found myself in a relatively menial role on the current minimum wage for this country. My ego, which I thought I'd lost, has been seriously bruised! My boss is a 'user' of people and his boss considers drivers to be the lowest form of life! It's been years since I was in such a position in my life and I find it hard to come to terms with it. I also discovered that I've become something of an intellectual snob! I really struggle to keep a cheery disposition with my co-workers when all they seem to be interested in is the next soccer game and which player is worth his salary.

(I first published this in January 2009!)

"PsychJim"?

I thought I'd give a brief history of myself to perhaps justify my grandiose claims for calling myself "PsychJim".

I trained as a psychodynamic counsellor during the early '90s. During this time I worked with mainly addicts, the reason for which was that I was, myself, an addict and spent some time in '93 in a rehab centre in Chelmsford, Essex, UK.

I moved into broad-based mental health work and learned something about deep psychosis and its effects on both sufferers and their families.

I discovered that the differences between neuroses and psychoses weren't so acute and that the boundary between the two (neurosis and psychosis) wasn't so clearly defined. Freud is famously quoted as stating that: "Neurotics live in their fantasies, psychotics live out their fantasies." (Many apologies if I have misquoted!)

Many psychiatrists and psychologists appear to feel confident that there is a marked difference between the two and that those who experience deep psychosis, for the most part, are incurable. I find that hard to swallow.

History repeating?

A few years ago I started a blog following pretty much the same mind meanderings. Sadly, the host has faded into the ether of cyberspace. However, I kept my earlier rants and will post them here - to get me started, you understand!

Following which, I will continue with fresh stuff on issues that affect me deeply enough to comment on.